| My Quotes |
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"Dude, your computer is ubber slow!"
"Get outta town!"
"I need some more coffee."
"Wait, let me ask my best friend Google, he knows everything!"
What a dud!
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| Things I Like |
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Being a Mom
Complete silence
Warm, wet kisses on the lips
Reading about new technologies
Making people laugh
Being around my family
Listening to babies laugh
Learning new technologies
Being challenged
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| 8/14/2005 |
| Making your mind an Ocean |
"The way we live, the way we think - everything is dedicated to material pleasure. We consider sense object to be of utmost importance and materialistically devote ourselves to whatever makes us happy, famous, or popular. Even though all this comes from our mind, we are so totally preoccupied by external objects that we never look within, we never question why we find them so interesting." Excerpt from Making your mind an Ocean by Venerable Lama Thubten Yeshe
I, too, have clung to my own perceptions of what I feel is wonderful and happy. Is this really the way I've been living my life? Is this the right path for me? My uncontrolled mind is just that, wild and attached to worldy possessions. I have yet to discover what has been oppressing me, identifying what has been controlling my life for so many years. If I knew this answer today, I would be a happier person, at least my definition of what happiness is to me. There is nothing more meaningful to me than seeing other people happy. To know that I contributed to their happiness.
My mother was a strong, vibrant, and independent Hispanic woman. She learned at an early age that no one will assist in her desire for success. She knew that in being a Hispanic woman, she had to work hard to earn a quality education. During her tender years, it was frowned upon to speak Spanish and was severely displined to utter anything other than English. She did not want to become the stereotypical "Hispanic" woman who bred for a living. My mother's views and way of life were quickly passed on to me at an early age. I travelled with her on her business trips and mingled with other strong and successful Hispanic women. They were truly inspiring! She taught me to be strong and depend on myself to avoid disappointment. Relying on someone was a crutch to my success. I guess that's why I'm so driven to success feeling like I have something to prove. But, really, who am I trying to prove my success to? When I contemplated this question, the person I'm trying to inspire is my daughter. She is my inspiration, she is my hope for the next generation of strong and determined young Hispanic women. I have high expectations and know that only I can make them true. I can honestly say that these expectations are also my downfall. My desire for perfection is overwhelming at times and leads me to moments when I need solitude from the world. Time to think about the path I'm on and what my hopes of accomplishments will be next. It's like a chess game that never ends.
I think it's time to examine my own mind. To reach inside myself and look at what has been oppressing me for so long. Is it my long instilled desire for what I determine to be success or is it my lack of understanding of what my happiness is?
"When you were a child you loved and craved ice-cream, chocolate and cake, and thought, "When I grow up, I'll have all the ice-cream, chocolate and cake I want; then I'll be happy." Now you have as much ice-cream, chocolate and cake as you want, but you're bored. You decide that since this doesn't make you happy you'll get a car, a house, television, a husband or wife - then you'll be happy. Now you have everything, but your car is a problem, your house is a problem, your husband or wife is a problem, your children are a problem. You realize, "Oh, this is not satisfaction."
"Your mind has changed but have you reached any conclusion as to what really makes you happy? My interpretation is that you are lost. You know your way around the city, how to get home, where to buy chocolate, but still you are lost - you can't find your goal. Check honestly - isn't this so?"
I guess I'm lost today and what I'm seeking is my true being, myself true self. I am my most destructive critic and today is just one of those days. I think it's time to analyze my thoughts and my perceptions and determine why I am here and what my purpose in life will be. My symbolic image of life is an image of the lotus flower, it roots are in the midst of murky, muddy water, but yet the flower grows up towards the sky, rising above the deep trenches of dirty soil, blomossing into a beautiful flower. Buddhist teaching interpret this as life, for life is full of undesirable and confusing paths, but through it all, one reaches for the clarity of life, and becomes a beautiful person ready to pursue life's pleasures. Today I am trenching through the mud and reaching for my true being and ready to blossom like my loving lotus |
keyed by Kilikina @ 10:06 AM  |
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| Personal Stuff |
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Pet Name: Kilikina
Geographic Location: San Diego, California, United States
Some Personal Stuff: I enjoy listening to my computer hum (it makes me so sleepy), driving the speed limit, blogging, and eating tomatoes and cheese. I like to whistle in public with a big smile on my face and say hello to complete strangers.
More Personal Stuff:
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| Earlier Ramblings |
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| Really old Ramblings |
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| Stuff I like to Surf |
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