| My Quotes |
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"Dude, your computer is ubber slow!"
"Get outta town!"
"I need some more coffee."
"Wait, let me ask my best friend Google, he knows everything!"
What a dud!
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| Things I Like |
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Being a Mom
Complete silence
Warm, wet kisses on the lips
Reading about new technologies
Making people laugh
Being around my family
Listening to babies laugh
Learning new technologies
Being challenged
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| 8/30/2006 |
| Two Women in the Room |
As I stood in a single file line, waiting to see my doctor, feeling like I'm in line in a foreign country waiting to receive a piece of bread, I took a quick glance around the room. A 60 something woman dressed in a pink jumpsuit reading a large print magazine on the south side of the room and two 30 something, large figured women sitting close, round elbows touching, clucking like two hens on a chicken farm, sitting on the north side. Hm, interesting women.
After I checked in, I walked around the room looking for something to read. It must have been my lucky day, I found the recent Wired magazine, untouched and unblemished, lying on the edge of the wooden table. I nearly ran to pick it up and stood next to the large figured women as I quickly scanned the table of contents. Yeah, found something interesting and I smiled and slowly walked in the next row of chairs to sit down. As I was reading and article, I suddently burst into laughter. Laughter so loud I nearly feel out of my chair in astonishment as to what I read! As I laughed aloud, the two women turned around, smiled at me, and then laughed with me (or at me). I'm sure they thought I must have been crazy since I was laughing by myself. I suppose someone not knowing me would think I'm crazy but that's just me...being me. |
keyed by Kilikina @ 11:07 PM  |
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| Mental Clarity |
Feeling the warm sun kiss my face, listening to the subtle and soothing sounds of the ocean water cleansing the sand, I find clarity. Clarity over thoughts I've struggled with over the course of a day, issues I pondered and fretted over were finally understood as I quietly sat on the sandy beach listening to my own breath.
I think in this day and age where we're forced to rush through our lives working longer hours, spending less time at home and more at work for less an hour, do we have the "time" to take a moment for mental clarity? Just as we apply security patches to our computers and dust the dirt from our picture frames, we, as individuals, as sentient beings, must remove the cloud of dust that plague our minds and clear it of obstacles before we can resolve or identify solutions. Why do we take coffee breaks? To provide a short break from the mundane and engage, maybe, in idle conversation with other sentient beings. The issue: mundane tasks, the solution: short break, end result: clear mind. Doesn't matter if it's a coffee break, a walk around the block, or a quite meditation, the end result is the same, a clear mind. Make the time for yourself and achieve mental clarity.
The last thing I do before I close my eyes each night is reflect on my day...review my accomplishments and struggles, and appreciate that I had another day to see the world, hear the living sounds, feel the warmth of the sun and cool breeze of the wind, enjoy my daughter's smile, and cherish the ability to breathe on my own.
I have achieved my own mental clarity and looking forward to another day. |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 7:04 PM |
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| 1/07/2006 |
| Caged Bird |
| I've been sick for four days now and can't seem to get my head out of this cloud. I missed a day and a half of work and that makes me sick. Sleeping all day and coughing and sneezing can ruin anyone's day. My computer and my text messaging keeps me busy between naps while I nurse myself back to health. These are my stable past times which keep me busy and somewhat entertained. Nothing really insightful to discuss, just rambling along and thinking of "Free Bird" by Lynard Skynard. Wishing I was free, but now feeling like a caged bird with nothing but a few simple toys to keep my boredom to a minimum. I can't wait to launch off my perch and spread my wings and fly through the beautiful blue sky again. |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 12:33 PM |
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| 12/21/2005 |
| Another fun day with family and friends |
So, tonight I had to explain what a blog was to my non-geek friends. Dinner with my family and childhood friends was fun and exciting. What a nice way to kick off the holiday season I thought as I slowly sipped my beverage. Discussions of blogging and past memories of our youth warmed me inside. Kind of like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Laughter could be heard by the patrons near us and smiles and jokes filled the air. It was quite intoxicating, or maybe it was the beverage I was sipping. Time seems to stand still when I'm with my brother, you can't help but get drunk with his cheerful spirit and joyful personality. His friends are like my other brothers who poke fun at one another, only this time we're old enough to drink in public. It's hard to believe we've grown up sometimes, but you can't help but revert back to being a teenager again laughing and hanging out.
Oh, and the bartender was NOT gay, I was just joking. I guess being nice to her got me some free booze, woo-hoo! Maybe my charm paid off this time, or maybe it was the way someone strutted near the bar like an ape or maybe she really was gay. Something to ponder when I visit that restaurant again, I'll have to ask her next time. |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 11:43 PM |
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| 12/18/2005 |
| Not a Minority |
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| keyed by Kilikina @ 12:46 AM |
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| 11/15/2005 |
| Another day goes by... |
and today is that day that I've decided to post another blog. I've been busy at work and at home, sorry blogger. I'm not contemplating anything deep, just typing to hear myself type and enjoy the sweet subtle hum of my computer...so nice.
Have you ever had to sit an a cube all day? Have you ever, just for a moment, listened to the noise that pollutes your environment. This morning I did just that, I listened for a minute trying to silently visualize my day [insert thought bubble here]. Not five seconds later, I was interrupted by the sound of doors opening, people typing, phones ringing, cell phones blazing, and not a second too soon, then came the chatter. It's amazing how much noise pollution we block out in a day. Sometimes the noise is so loud I have to duck into another office to really focus. Sometimes I'm the polluter with my phone calls to people on the speaker phone. I do that to be quick, most times it's by habit.
Most of the time it's very quite. So quiet at times I can hear people scrolling their mice five cubes away, it's pretty funny if you listen...scroll, scroll, scroll. The quiet times are at 6:30 a.m. until around 8:15 a.m. and than again around 4 p.m. Sometimes I yell across cubes for the fun of it, but only to amuse myself.
So my thought was: If we block out office noise, what else do we habitually block out? The sounds of little birds our your bedroom window, the roaring of an engine, the sound of a baby's cry, a stolen glance from your lover? I think we are so bombarded with noise, whether it is visual, audible, or emotional pollution we tend to block out or ignore the other more stimulating and rewarding events, sounds, smells, and caresses.
If I see a beautiful sunrise, I praise it. If I smell the sweet, salty sea, I cherish it. If I hear and see my loving family, I am most thankful. Without these senses I would be blind to the world and all it glorious wonder. I, too, am guilty of blocking out the most important senses, but at least now I am a little more conscience of it with hopes of experiencing it another day. |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 6:35 PM |
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| 10/02/2005 |
| Thoughts of my own |
| Random thoughts pass through my mind like a cool ocean breeze. My mind wonders from thought to thought as I ponder this gift called life. Where will my thoughts take me today? What will I do with these precious hours I have today? I ponder so many random thoughts that my mind is unsettled and untrained. So many things to do with these few wonderful hours. My meditative state takes me to deeper levels of concentration. Cherishing a few blissful moments of relaxation and contentment. My thoughts escape me as I focus on breathing and training my busy mind. With such a simple act, I feel at peace, strong and solid. I am rejuvinated again leaving my unsettled thoughts behind. I become the breeze rustling through the trees, blowing through the mountain, flowing through life. Thank you, mother, for giving me the gift of life, you are always in my thoughts. |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 10:36 PM |
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| 8/17/2005 |
| Bloglines | Kilik1na's Blogs |
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| keyed by Kilikina @ 10:34 PM |
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| 8/14/2005 |
| Making your mind an Ocean |
"The way we live, the way we think - everything is dedicated to material pleasure. We consider sense object to be of utmost importance and materialistically devote ourselves to whatever makes us happy, famous, or popular. Even though all this comes from our mind, we are so totally preoccupied by external objects that we never look within, we never question why we find them so interesting." Excerpt from Making your mind an Ocean by Venerable Lama Thubten Yeshe
I, too, have clung to my own perceptions of what I feel is wonderful and happy. Is this really the way I've been living my life? Is this the right path for me? My uncontrolled mind is just that, wild and attached to worldy possessions. I have yet to discover what has been oppressing me, identifying what has been controlling my life for so many years. If I knew this answer today, I would be a happier person, at least my definition of what happiness is to me. There is nothing more meaningful to me than seeing other people happy. To know that I contributed to their happiness.
My mother was a strong, vibrant, and independent Hispanic woman. She learned at an early age that no one will assist in her desire for success. She knew that in being a Hispanic woman, she had to work hard to earn a quality education. During her tender years, it was frowned upon to speak Spanish and was severely displined to utter anything other than English. She did not want to become the stereotypical "Hispanic" woman who bred for a living. My mother's views and way of life were quickly passed on to me at an early age. I travelled with her on her business trips and mingled with other strong and successful Hispanic women. They were truly inspiring! She taught me to be strong and depend on myself to avoid disappointment. Relying on someone was a crutch to my success. I guess that's why I'm so driven to success feeling like I have something to prove. But, really, who am I trying to prove my success to? When I contemplated this question, the person I'm trying to inspire is my daughter. She is my inspiration, she is my hope for the next generation of strong and determined young Hispanic women. I have high expectations and know that only I can make them true. I can honestly say that these expectations are also my downfall. My desire for perfection is overwhelming at times and leads me to moments when I need solitude from the world. Time to think about the path I'm on and what my hopes of accomplishments will be next. It's like a chess game that never ends.
I think it's time to examine my own mind. To reach inside myself and look at what has been oppressing me for so long. Is it my long instilled desire for what I determine to be success or is it my lack of understanding of what my happiness is?
"When you were a child you loved and craved ice-cream, chocolate and cake, and thought, "When I grow up, I'll have all the ice-cream, chocolate and cake I want; then I'll be happy." Now you have as much ice-cream, chocolate and cake as you want, but you're bored. You decide that since this doesn't make you happy you'll get a car, a house, television, a husband or wife - then you'll be happy. Now you have everything, but your car is a problem, your house is a problem, your husband or wife is a problem, your children are a problem. You realize, "Oh, this is not satisfaction."
"Your mind has changed but have you reached any conclusion as to what really makes you happy? My interpretation is that you are lost. You know your way around the city, how to get home, where to buy chocolate, but still you are lost - you can't find your goal. Check honestly - isn't this so?"
I guess I'm lost today and what I'm seeking is my true being, myself true self. I am my most destructive critic and today is just one of those days. I think it's time to analyze my thoughts and my perceptions and determine why I am here and what my purpose in life will be. My symbolic image of life is an image of the lotus flower, it roots are in the midst of murky, muddy water, but yet the flower grows up towards the sky, rising above the deep trenches of dirty soil, blomossing into a beautiful flower. Buddhist teaching interpret this as life, for life is full of undesirable and confusing paths, but through it all, one reaches for the clarity of life, and becomes a beautiful person ready to pursue life's pleasures. Today I am trenching through the mud and reaching for my true being and ready to blossom like my loving lotus |
| keyed by Kilikina @ 10:06 AM |
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| Personal Stuff |
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Pet Name: Kilikina
Geographic Location: San Diego, California, United States
Some Personal Stuff: I enjoy listening to my computer hum (it makes me so sleepy), driving the speed limit, blogging, and eating tomatoes and cheese. I like to whistle in public with a big smile on my face and say hello to complete strangers.
More Personal Stuff:
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| Earlier Ramblings |
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| Really old Ramblings |
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| Stuff I like to Surf |
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